Question ....

Is it wrong to say "I love you"?

Have you ever told someone that you love them and they told you it made them feel uncomfortable?

A couple of weeks ago my mother and I went to the opera. While I was dropping her off I turned to give her a hug and said "I love you". Suddenly she stopped me and said that made her uncomfortable. She said that I say it so often it seems all for show. The younger generation uses that phrase so loosely and she thought that I was following suit. I felt that I got slapped in the face. My own mother just admitted that she doesn't know me at all. I don't say "I love you" to people without really meaning it. I say that to the people I care about the most.

Maybe the reason I say "I love you" so much is because I want to show my family that I love them even if we don't always get along. The history that I have with my family is not a "Leave it to Beaver" kind of story. There are a lot of hurt and mixed feelings, but I do love them and would do anything for them. I have given up a lot over the years for my family and put myself in a position where I was the caretaker and peacemaker ... even when I should have walked away. Sometimes it even made the gap between us even bigger. Even though most of the time I feel left behind and forgotten (or that I am the bad guy), I still say it because I believe it.  I keep hoping that they will say it back and I will have that moment of peace.

 So tell me, is it wrong to say "I love you" ... even when you know the meaning will be lost?

Wishing For

.... a delicious sandwich and beverage to warm me up, but remind me of home

..... to jump into these bubbles like Mary Poppins to get away

.... a movie night by the fire (with Vanilla Bean Candles)

..... the sound of the twins laughing

..... Everyone to have a wonderful weekend

......... a moment of peace.

I Think I Can... I Think I can... I Think i can.. I think

This Weekend's To Do List

• See Dad in "West Side Story" as Officer Krupke
• Organize Guest Room
• Clean House
• Teach CCD
• Buy Baby Shower Gift
• Buy Bday Gift
• Run Errands
  
• Throw Surprise Baby Shower ~ "Nick's Last Fling Before the Teething Ring!"
• Burn CD of Jon and Wendy's Wedding Photos
  
• Attend Jon's 50th Bday Party
• Makeover Blog
• Updates
• Upload Pictures
  

Does anyone else have something to add?

A New Beginning

It's been over a year since I last shared my thoughts with you. Get ready for an update... and a make over. ;)

Taking 2 boys to the beach

Say hello to Arthur and Lupus. :)

Arthur is my friend Nick's dog and Lupus belongs to my roommate Steve. I love them both dearly!

On Sat, most of the roommates and I decided to go to a friend's house on the beach in NH. We all crammed into Steve's car and headed out. Lupus could not keep still on the way up, while Arthur slept through most of the journey.

Arthur loved the beach. He dove into the ice cold water after balls and sticks. He would play in the ocean for hours if you let him. Unfortunately, Lupus was not a fan. He was so afraid of the water the first time Steve took him that he tried to run back to the house, almost getting hit by a car. My heart was in my throat. I cried "Lupus! NO!!!!" Thankfully the driver saw him coming and slowed down. I have never been so scared in my life! I kept yelling at him but couldn't seem to stop hugging him.

The rest of the day was more relaxed and we even got Lupus to sit on the shore while Arthur played in the water. I think we will keep working with Lupus. ;)

ET always screens my calls

I can't phone home. Why? ...... I lost my cell phone.

Bad news: I lost my cell phone this past Sat at the beach in NH. It was gone somewhere between getting out of the car, wrangling two dogs and bringing everything into my friend's house. I'm not sad that I lost the phone, I'm sad that I lost all the numbers.
Lesson: Back up your contacts.

Good news: I was going to purchase a new phone this month. This is the one I have chosen.

The Palm Pre

I hopefully get it on Sat.

Recession Answer

In Answer to Smitten, I refuse to skimp on ....

* Good hair cuts. I agree that a good haircut can do more for your wardrobe than a new outfit. That also goes for shampoo and conditioner. They make the look last longer.

* Soft Toilet Paper. It's a must!

* Underwear. I am not about to caught backstage in something that isn't appealing.

Oh to see one's self ....

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your body will do peculiar things?

Well I have...

and today...

I'm a waddler.

I'm back... Duh Duh DUH!!!!

YOU FOUND ME!!!

Hello friends! Miss me?

I am so sorry that I have been mia for a over a month. Things have been crazy! You have all been so generous with your stories and updates and I feel as though I have let you down. Well I promise that I am going to rectify that situation right now. So here's the scoop....


What's happened since I've been gone

Um well tons.... where to start... Let's start with the big things!

* My best friend Katie got married! It was the most beautiful wedding! I promise that I will have another post with details! Just remember this: Always have an emergency kit!

* Michael's cousin got married in Washington DC! The wedding was so fun and laid back. That is so what I want for ours.


What's happening in my life now

* Looking for a job in the Chicago land area. I am applying for a few positions, including a High School Teaching Assistant. I want a job with benefits that also allows me to work on my music/theater.

* I have job for the month of July with a Children's Musical Theater Group. :)


What's happening in the future

1. I am moving from Chicago to Boston in 33 days!

*Moving in with the 'rents to save money, but feeling good about it.

2. I am getting married in 388 days! (The only reason I know that is because of the Knot.com) lol

* More on this to follow. ;)


PS

Thank you so much CreativeGeniusGirlInc and Clare for helping me realize I needed to come back! ;) xoxo

MOVING!!!

It's official! I gave my boss notice! I will be leaving in June and moving back to Chicago!!!! :D

There is a part of me that is sad to be leaving Boston but the other is so excited to finally see Michael everyday!

Things I need to think about and accomplish before doing things for the wedding:

• Get a job!!!
  
• Sublet my place for the last 2 months or find someone to move in
• Figure out the exact day I am moving and the costs
  
• Start collecting boxes
  
• Figure out what is going with me
• Sell my furniture to pay for some of the moving expenses

Twilight

I wish I was lying under this tree looking up. The moon would be smiling down and the breeze would gently caress my face. Nature's sound would be my playlist and the air my blanket.

Advice?

"Don't fear pressure,for pressure is what turns rough stones into diamonds"

Wherever

you go, take

your whole

heart along.

A friend of mine sent me some "quotes to live by". I have been feeling a bit worn out from being sick and having people telling what I should and shouldn't do for the wedding. It hasn't even been 2 weeks people, let me enjoy being engaged first! Sheesh. lol I just hope that they realize this is our wedding and not theirs. (sigh)

Dear friends,

How do you deal with people trying to take over your wedding? How do you keep everyone's feelings from being hurt?

Love,

~ Kubby

The Proposal

Her story:

I was in St Louis for my Aunt Lynn's 50th surprise party. Michael couldn't make it because of work. He called me that morning at 7am, which was odd. Lucky for him, I was already up watching WALLE with my baby cousin James. Michael just wanted to know how everything had gone the night before and what we were doing that day. Everything seemed normal. Little did I know. ;)

Later that day, we were all sitting around eating lunch when I saw my father leave in his car. I thought that was rather odd and asked everyone where he was going. They assumed he was going to get medicine because he hadn’t been feeling well. He was back in about 10 -15 min. He then informed us that he had forgotten his computer at the hotel. Uh Oh! “Kris, will you come with me? I’d like the company and I’m not feeling too well.” “Sure!” So we left. He then sent me inside.

When I opened the door to the room, I saw the bathroom door closing. I thought to myself, “No that can’t be right. I made that up. Let me check.” When I opened the door, someone pulled it shut. I jumped back about 2 feet. “Oh hell no! Someone is in here stealing my parents’ stuff. Should I confront them? They might be bigger than me. Should I run away? No I am gonna confront them… while I keep my hand on the front door just in case.” So I go to open the door and Michael jumps out from behind a wall yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” I screamed and jumped about 3 feet! I didn’t understand how he had gotten out of the bathroom. He told me he wanted to see me. I was so touched that he would drive all the way from Chicago just to see me for a few hours. “I have a card for you. Here read it.”

For My Soul Mate

If you ever wonder

How I feel about you...

Look in the mirror.

In your reflection you'll see...

The person I want to spend my whole life with,

The one I love more than words can say,

The one that makes me happy,

The one I want to grow old with.

So if you ever have any doubt about who makes my life complete,

Look into the mirror and you'll see.

I Love You...

Today and Always

Remember today, always.

I love you, I love you, I love you

~Michael

After I read the card, I thought “Is this it? No it can’t be. I know that he’s not ready to do this yet.” Michael then asked me to sit on the bed because he had something else to give me. Then he pulled out a ring box from one of the dresser drawers and got down on one knee. I started bawling.I couldn't believe it. I was so happy. He asked me with tears in his eyes,"You are the most important thing in the world to me. Will you marry me? ". Well Duh! Of course I said YES!!!!!! I was so happy. I wanted to know who else knew. He then called his sister Joy out who had been hiding in the bathroom. Apparently, I arrived too early and she had to hideout in there. LOL Michael told me the reason he was asking me now was because he knew everytime I saw him, he knew I was thinking "Is this it?" He wanted to surprise me. Also, he knew that I had always wanted to tell my family in person. So we went back to my Aunt's house and went in. I think everyone was really confused because I was crying and then they saw Michael. I found my Mom, held up my hand and said "We are getting married!" Everyone started to freak out and hug. My Aunt Lynn and Uncle Gerry broke out the champagne and grape juice for the kids. Dad even gave a toast. I started to cry again when he got tears in his eyes.

Michael could not have planned it better. He got me! It was perfect!

His story:

Coming soon

BIG NEWS!!!!

Sorry that I have been MIA for a while but I have a good reason.


We are engaged!!!!! :D

Story to follow. ;)

Please, Please, Please

Yesterday, the word of the day was....

Stop

Stop telling me what I should do with my life.
Stop telling me that what I chose is wrong.
Stop asking me questions that you already know the answers to. You know it hurts me.
Stop telling me I am too young.
Stop giving me excuses as to why it's not happening.
Stop telling me that's not what you had at my age so I shouldn't have it.
Stop saying that other things are more important.
Stop putting everything else first. Put us first.
Stop being so stubborn and think about this. Is it hurting someone?
Stop and listen to yourself. Do you think this is right?

Last night, I wanted to scream so loud so that everyone could hear me. It was a very frustrating day. I just felt ... alone... forgotten... not on the same page at all... not important... tired... angry... sad... stupid... fed up. You get the picture. I needed to write this out today. To say it to someone, somewhere. Thank you for letting me say it here.

61 Guily Pleasures (inspired by Marta Writes)

01. cokes with ice
02. buying DVDs and Books
03. salt and vinegar chips with a rootbeer
04. bubble baths with candles and music
05. taking too many photos
06. blogging
07. driving fast
08. Bath and Body Works Soap
09. going to the movies in time for the previews
10. popcorn with lots of butter and salt with a big Cherry Coke
11. fun and pretty desk supplies
12. getting mail that is not a bill
13. pretty postcards
14. my Disney checks
15. Disney anything!
16. wearing Michael's sweat pants or hoodies
17. falling asleep on the couch
18. eating raw cookie dough
19. Ru La La
20. movie/game nights
21. staying up late chatting with friends or family
22. taking long, hot showers
23. road trips with fun playlists
24. snuggling
25. guacamole and chips
26. romance novels by certain authors
27. dreaming of my future home and decorating it
28. looking at things to put in that home
29. flowers
30. bread pudding
31. watching all of a series in one day
32. snuggling with the dogs
33. playing with my cousins
34. having a baby/ young child fall asleep in my arms
35. rocking out to my music and dancing like no one is watching
36. candles
37. breakfast in bed
38. a good cup of tea
39. leaving work early
40. leaving work to go out to lunch with a friend
41. looking at ideas for weddings
42. downloading new music
43. Myth
44. reading books for fun
45. good wine and food
46. opera
47. musicals
48. theater
49. comedy shows
50. going out to dinner
51. pretending I'm a spy
52. talking in funny voices
53. swimming with my dog
54. water skiing
55. horseback riding
56. sailing/being on a boat
57. laser tag
58. sleeping in the middle of my bed surrounded by pillows
59. girl talk
60. butterscotch pudding

and I forgot one of my all time favorites!

61. sitting on my grandparents' porch while it rains. The smells and sounds are so relaxing! I even love to dance in the rain. :D
(Thanks for reminding me Clare. :) )

Tonight

We are going out for Emre's birthday. We will start at the TAM around 8pm and do Trivia around 9pm. The TAM is a great place to get strong, cheap drinks in Boston. Then the party will head over to the nightclub Rumor. I don't know if I will make it to Rumor, but I am super excited to be going out tonight.

Apologizes ... Here's the scoop

I apologize for being away for a few days, but I had a very busy weekend. Let me break it down for you.

Thursday night
I got my hair done after work and then headed over to The Publick House to meet a bunch of friends for dinner. We were all celebrating Erin B getting a new job. :) Then we went around the tables and we each found something to be happy for. Most of us got the Mac and Cheese which was amazing as always. After dinner, some of us headed back to my place for a nightcap and then said our goodbyes. My mother called me, or I called her, I can't remember. I started to tell her I needed to be up by 4am in order to make it to this meeting in NH with my boss, which was an utter lie. You see, I was flying home to surprise her for her birthday and had to take a 7am flight. It astounds me that I could come up with a convincing fabrication while being a wee bit tipsy. lol After our chat, I only had 4 hours till I needed to be up again for my flight home to Chicago.

Friday
My mother was so sweet. She called to "wake me up for my meeting" at 4am. LOL I knew then that she had no idea what she was in for. Emre drove me to the airport, which was so nice of him, and I made it. I flew Jetblue for the first time. Let me tell you I felt like I was in first class! I had 42 Direct TV channels, Satellite Radio, leather seats, extra leg room and windows you could actually see out of. Jetblue is the new airline for me.
My father picked me up from the airport. He and I had been planning to surprise my mother for over a month. We had a great car ride home. We found my Mom in the kitchen on her laptop. I snuck up behind her and threw my arms around her. She had no idea and seemed to be happy I was home. She had thought everyone had forgotten her bday. Sadly, my sister thought that Friday was the day we were doing something and didn't really go out with my Mom on Thursday,making her feel like no one cared. lol Little did she know.
I finally got to meet our new family dog, Sally. She is adorable but still very timid. If you would like to read about her story and Clouseau's, check out my Mom's blog. I spent most of the day trying to get her to be comfortable with me and then ran errands with my Mom and sister. We went to a high end furniture store so my sister could steal a catologue for her interior design class. My mother had me say that I was thinking about moving back from Boston (which is true) and needed new furniture. The icing on the cake was my sister saying, "And she is probably going to be engaged soon too!" Thanks Megan. Sheeh. lol So we got the catalogue and did a few other things.
Later that night, Michael met up with us for sushi. (He has stopped by after school to give me a kiss. :D I love that man.) Mom loves sushi and it was cheaper than going out to a fancy restaurant. We had a lovely meal and then went home to play games. Mind you I had had maybe 3-4 hours sleep, so I wasn't very helpful to my partner. lol

Saturday
I spent the entire day running around with my friend Becky to get ready for Katie's surprise Bachelorette Party. (Becky and Katie have been my friends since 1st grade. I am very lucky to have them.) It was so hard getting Katie to come out because she has been swamped with moving and wedding planning but we did it! We opened gifts at Becky's new town home (which is beautiful) and had snacks. Then, we went to dinner and country line dancing at the Cadillac Ranch. How many of you know how to country line dance? I don't. lol It was fun but I was very intimidated and did not get on the dance floor as much as I should have. However, I have decided to learn some moves for the wedding to surprise Katie.

Sunday
I went to brunch at Mint Julep Bistro with the family. This place is soooooo good and cheap. I think it will be a new hangout spot for me when I move home. After brunch, my good friend Isabelle came over to hang out and meet the dogs. Then we went to Michael's new apt and hung out for a bit.

Monday
I went to lunch and ran around with my Mom, said goodbye to Michael and took a plane home.


I did so much but still didn't get to do everything. I think my heart is leaning more and more to moving back home to Chicago.

BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS

I love reading books. It's the ultimate treat to read with candles burning and music playing in the background. I never really had time to read things that didn't have to do with my profession. When I get to read, I never really go for the "real books" first. I usually go for romance novels. :) However, I have purchased a lot of great books over the past few months and haven't gotten to them. This is going to change. I have decided to read a "real book" in between each romance novel. Also, I plan to read at least one book a week.

My "Real Books"

• Home: The Memoir of My Early Years ~ By Julie Andrews
• Pride and Prejudice ~ By Jane Austin
  
• The Hero with a Thousand Faces ~ By Joseph Campbell
• I Am Rembrandt's Daughter ~ By Lynn Cullen
• The Inkheart Series ~ By Cornelia Funk
• Coraline ~ By Neil Gaiman
  
• Stardust ~ By Neil Gaiman
  
• Eat, Pray, Love ~ By Elizabeth Gilbert
• Why We Suck ~ By Denis Leary
  
• The Chess Machine ~ By Robert Lohr
• My Wicked, Wicked Ways, the Autobiography of Errol Flynn ~ By Jeffery Meyers
  
• The Measure of a Man ~ By Sidney Poitier
• 'Tis Herself ~ By Maureen O'Hara

Last night's phone call

Last night, I got a phone call from Michael around 8:30pm. I completely regret not talking to him at that moment but I was preoccupied. When I called him back around 11pm, I knew something was wrong. He was upset, almost angry. Michael is usually a very calm and patient guy. I love that about him. He told me he had had a really bad day. One of his students had been hurt during an assembly at school because some of the other teachers were not doing their job. The hall was over crowded because other classes had decided to come in even though they were not on the schedule. Some teachers had let their students sit on the stairs and weren't paying attention. The students got out of hand and some how Michael's student, a bystander, got pushed or fell down the stairs. She may have broken her foot. Michael was livid. He is going to speak to the Assistant Principal about the matter today.

Things like this make me realize what a good man he is. Most people I know would have brushed the whole thing off and just given the students a talking to. Not everyone would try to reorganize how an assembly is run to prevent this from happening again. Michael really values what he does and the students he teaches. How many of us can say that we love what we do and really try to be the best at it? That we put others first instead of ourselves? This is one of the reasons why I love this man.